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Well I have not been as active as I have wanted to be here on my Blogger page.  I have reclaimed my personal site and this time added a blog.  I will still use this page as a tribute page to those who are no longer in my life. but as time has evolved, I must say what I have written here will remain true.

To find my new blog. simply click here or go to Aaron Maruska.com and look for Notebook.

The Lost Conversation with My Mother

The Lost Conversation

The last night I spent with my mother before she was taken from this earth I stood there helpless watching her take breath after breath fighting to stay with us for one more night.  Those who were with me met this struggle with frustration as we knew that it was time for her to leave us but at the same time afraid of the hole or void created from this woman of 58 years, 36 of them raising the person I am today.

Like the night before, I knew my mother’s time was short. This illness that has spanned 2 decades had taken someone whom my family saw as a leader, a role model, the source for answers, to one now helpless to her own body. I wanted to ask her, not about the “what if”, or “if I could do different…” but more how did she accept this state and how she took disappointment and made it a strength?

My mother I remember growing up was born to be the leader, the first child of 5 she always found battles among her siblings as well as everyday world.  She would tell stories of farms, big houses, and sibyl rivalry.  And though the world was cruel, my mother still found it in her heart to go and help others even though they may or may not have wanted it.


Life was always like that, and as I grew up my mother tried so hard to be normal.  Never accepting of what was happening to us.  As our family faced losing our house, bankruptcy, her husband’s mental disability, and providing for not just her 3 children but countless others who called her mom, I never realized how hard it had to be being the person everyone depended on or needed.

Borrowed Time

Watching my mother start a decline I can’t remember when or how it happened. I remember the late night trips to Seattle, or the endless visits to Bellevue, or Tacoma seeing doctors, specialists whom all told her “in 1996,” her liver was beginning to fail and that without a transplant,  she only has 3-4 years to live.  She proved them wrong and did things her way. From taking a cocktail of medicine, to having her hip deteriorate, she still did things her way.


Even to her time of death it wasn't her liver that got her, but a tired body that just couldn't handle a determined soul or spirit. That the need to see that her family, sons, daughters, sisters, brother, husband, nieces, nephews, granddaughter, brother and sister-in-law all were taken care of.  She never wanted to let her health take her life because she gave that to all of us.  And even as she past she was still able to give the gift of sight to two people.


My Mother was a fighter from beginning to end. She always took care of us right up to the end.  Now as I remember I have so many feelings of moments I had taken for granted. Lessons just now realized, challenges to accomplish, and desires to be accomplished.


 My mother was a teacher, and though most of her body had given in, her heart had not.  I never got to ask her where this courage or drive for life came from.  How she believed in each of us, and let us see and do what we thought was best.  She always listened to my ideas and never told me I was crazy.   My mother gave me life, knowledge, music, and always confidence when I needed it most.


Losing a parent is never easy to stomach and as I search for understanding why my mother was taken from us with still a quarter of life to live, I can only ask for her courage, determination, kindness, patience, and her selflessness. Her expectations were so small, yet I perceived them so big. I know we will see each other again, and we can then take that walk or hike back to that waterfall.  I know she is watching over me and all of her family.  I just ask that she lend an ear now to help me be the person she was to us, so I can be the same to my daughter and family.

In Honoring a Great Hero: Grandpa Sand

 

It’s hard to sum up ones memory of their grandparents. In my life I have been blessed in growing up with both sets of Grandparents and even two Great Grandmothers, so when the call came last Friday night it wasn’t so much a hard to stomach, but more of reflecting and saying thank you for the 34 years that I have come to know Grandpa Sand.

Grandpa left us with the knowledge that only a wife, 5 children, 11 grand-children, and a few great-grandchildren could cherish. The stories, occasions, and events that come to mind are endless and could be showcased for hours on end. Here are some things I remember he shared with us.  

Sweet-tooth – Grandpa Sand was a person who loved to stop off and get a burger, milkshake or some sort of other treat for us grand-kids. I remember one time Grandma and my mother had instructed him not to get us anything to eat, so on our way back from town we got milkshakes. Grandpa’s love for horehound candy, peanut bridle, and maple-nut ice cream made us know we were going to have some sort of treat.

The Cabin - when Grandpa retired both him and Grandma made all of us grandchildren feel like we were escaping to our own summer camp. Grandpa would clean the swimming pool, patch inner-tubes, and give us rides to first bridge to float the river or the sledding hill in the winter. Not a day goes by do I still think about hotcakes, waffles, oatmeal and raisins with a stack of toast. Every day Grandpa would start the same with a cup of coffee and making breakfast.

He always had a big smile every time his family would show up for the week, weekend, or at a group gathering.

Nothing a Shot of ol’ Grand-Dad Won’t Cure -  Every Sunday afternoon Grandpa would sit and:  “Have a talk with old Grand-Dad.” According to him the whiskey cured everything from stomach aches to broken bones. I am sure that the makers of Grand-Dad are going to miss one of their loyal customers. Grandpa told me: “If you know what’s good for you than a couple of shots of Grand-Dad will do the trick”

Ear Hygiene – Grandpa Sand taught us all that the real way to clean our ears is with a Ford car key.

Sports - Two sports that I remember most watching with Grandpa were Baseball and Auto Racing. As I kid Grandpa would sit in his chair and start going through the sky just to see how many baseball games we could find to watch. I  Auto Racing- I think Grandpa’s love for Dale Earnhardt made watching NASCAR fun.

Card Games and Louis L'amour - On the camping trips Grandpa would be sitting at the table in either his camper or trailer playing cards or reading a book from his Louis L’amour collection.

Meetings - Grandma told me once that: “Grandpa would drive 300 miles out of his way to get to a meeting on time.” We all believed this because in the monthly Ponderosa Board Meeting notes there always seemed to be a section devoted to Mr. Sand and the issues he thought that were of most importance. Sometimes I wonder if that is why he became Fire Commissioner just to attend more meetings.

Salesmen - Grandpa always wasn’t afraid to flex some muscle when talking to salesmen. I think he loved it even if it wasn’t something he was going to purchase. I recall B&B Auto Parts knowing him well. Ron who was the head guy would personally wait on “Mr. Sand” every time. I also remember him telling the waiter at Mazatlan Mexican Restaurant to take the owner (who was sitting across from us) and I will quote “I want you to take that guy and boot him out the back door”

Teaching - The most memorable advise Grandpa told me besides old Grand-Dad were things like how to install an outlet, fix a car, drive a stick shift, to telling me once “ I don’t care how fast you go, you’re paying the ticket if you get pulled over.” I never was a builder but at least I could ask Grandpa and try to make an effort.

Grandpa Sand was one of many role models I had growing up. I am grateful for all of the time that he spent with us. I remember the last time I sat with him. He wanted to talk about cars. (Which I know little about) but as we talked the story he told was priceless.

I know he is looking down upon us while waiting for Annie to bring back a rock to throw.

Thank you Grandpa  for all that you have taught us, the time spent, and the life experiences.

In the song “Grandpa Told Me So” sung by Kenny Chesney: the chorus really stands true:

“ That life is made for you to live.

The best love is the love that you give.

There'll be times when you wanna hold on but you gotta let go.'

And I live by those words 'cause Grandpa told me so “

 

 

I will miss you and look forward to see you again when the time comes 

Time for a Change

Over the last few months I have been pondering which blog to change and which one to leave the same. So the decision has been made.

Blogger will stay the same yet all of the old posts have been deleted. And while I will use the Rainsplash.com or a WordPress blog  to share my knowledge I will begin to begin to build my identify in sharing things I have learn while driving companies to use social media.

Let the Excitement Begin.